And so the gathering excitement gathers as our plucky band of scholars look forward to their one day’s unpaid day's holiday on the 25th. But Lord what larks we have before that and indeed, what larks we have pre-larked already.
Take yesterday, which, for those of you timezonally challenged, was a Thursday, all be it a rather earlier one than most of yours. Now Christmas is not a big deal here in the Middle Kingdom. Unless you're 6.
It's a bigger deal still if your're six and your Chinese teacher has wound you up to a (yellow) fever pitch about the impending arrival of a busload of foreigners bearing gifts and you're very first chance to meet Santa Claus (in this case a very bemused 19-year old from Prestbury who arrived at school expecting a job interview and get bundled into the red, white and beardy role due to a general shortage of free white faces and a specific unwillingness to look a complete cock by the rest of the foreign teachers.)
Well we rolled up to a scene that I can only describe as reminiscent of how Francis Ford Coppola would have staged the helicopter arrival of the mini-skirted go-go girls to meet the sex-starved GIs in Apocalypse Now - if he had only a knackered bus and a crowd of umpalumpas in the budget. Well that was Thursday.
Friday has been a quiet day spent thinking euphemisms for "abalone and shark's fin" as I attempt to finish off subbing the 2007 Shanghais Tatler Best Restaurant Guide - which is full of establishments that we humble toilers in the field could ne'er afford to frequent.
Tomorrow is a half day teaching day and then we have the joy that will be Sunday.We has a veritable smorgasboard (whatever spellcheck it yourself I can't be arsed!) of delights. After a token bit of teaching, we have the final of our "Rising Star" English Speaking competition.
This involves nearly a 1000 Chinese people squeezing into a school gymnasium, whilst various school classes do long dances involving chinese flags and talk about their allegiance to "Beijing's Green Olympics".
Straight after the competition we, well all the school staff, decamp for our annual Christmas party, where we will no doubt be joined by representatives of the local young communist party (average age 53). Now last year, this was a jolly occasion with all the foreign teachers being mates and genuinely being pally. This year, thanks largely to the antics of our colonial cousins (oh and me a bit-ish) and sundry visa problems, all is not so cozy.
Take Adam, our 30-year old Canadian, who somehow has got it into his head that he is "more than just a teacher" and also believes that he can tell the future. Unfortunately, one of senior teachers went out for a drink with him and told him he was a silly cunt. Now, he wants to leave. Now, admittedly it was me who said it, but I can only say in mitigation, that well, he is a silly cunt.
Our other problem is Adu, our Ghanian teacher, whose passport has been missing for six weeks after a "friend" of the school promised he could get her a visa, even though the Chinese government (despite last months 3 days of official celebration of African-Chinese friendship) won't give black people visas.
Now, her visa-less passport has gone walkabouts, her identity has been probably been cloned and she will probably face a cavity search wherever she travels - but does she see the funny side? Does she bollocks. It will take more than Sunday's Secret Santa to cheer her up methinks - unless someone has got her a visa as a surprise.
Ah, well, merry gentlemen and women of a similar ilk, it is time to God rest Me.
Have a Cool Yule Dude as our Soon to be Departed North American Brethren Might Say If He Was Speaking To Me
Take yesterday, which, for those of you timezonally challenged, was a Thursday, all be it a rather earlier one than most of yours. Now Christmas is not a big deal here in the Middle Kingdom. Unless you're 6.
It's a bigger deal still if your're six and your Chinese teacher has wound you up to a (yellow) fever pitch about the impending arrival of a busload of foreigners bearing gifts and you're very first chance to meet Santa Claus (in this case a very bemused 19-year old from Prestbury who arrived at school expecting a job interview and get bundled into the red, white and beardy role due to a general shortage of free white faces and a specific unwillingness to look a complete cock by the rest of the foreign teachers.)
Well we rolled up to a scene that I can only describe as reminiscent of how Francis Ford Coppola would have staged the helicopter arrival of the mini-skirted go-go girls to meet the sex-starved GIs in Apocalypse Now - if he had only a knackered bus and a crowd of umpalumpas in the budget. Well that was Thursday.
Friday has been a quiet day spent thinking euphemisms for "abalone and shark's fin" as I attempt to finish off subbing the 2007 Shanghais Tatler Best Restaurant Guide - which is full of establishments that we humble toilers in the field could ne'er afford to frequent.
Tomorrow is a half day teaching day and then we have the joy that will be Sunday.We has a veritable smorgasboard (whatever spellcheck it yourself I can't be arsed!) of delights. After a token bit of teaching, we have the final of our "Rising Star" English Speaking competition.
This involves nearly a 1000 Chinese people squeezing into a school gymnasium, whilst various school classes do long dances involving chinese flags and talk about their allegiance to "Beijing's Green Olympics".
Straight after the competition we, well all the school staff, decamp for our annual Christmas party, where we will no doubt be joined by representatives of the local young communist party (average age 53). Now last year, this was a jolly occasion with all the foreign teachers being mates and genuinely being pally. This year, thanks largely to the antics of our colonial cousins (oh and me a bit-ish) and sundry visa problems, all is not so cozy.
Take Adam, our 30-year old Canadian, who somehow has got it into his head that he is "more than just a teacher" and also believes that he can tell the future. Unfortunately, one of senior teachers went out for a drink with him and told him he was a silly cunt. Now, he wants to leave. Now, admittedly it was me who said it, but I can only say in mitigation, that well, he is a silly cunt.
Our other problem is Adu, our Ghanian teacher, whose passport has been missing for six weeks after a "friend" of the school promised he could get her a visa, even though the Chinese government (despite last months 3 days of official celebration of African-Chinese friendship) won't give black people visas.
Now, her visa-less passport has gone walkabouts, her identity has been probably been cloned and she will probably face a cavity search wherever she travels - but does she see the funny side? Does she bollocks. It will take more than Sunday's Secret Santa to cheer her up methinks - unless someone has got her a visa as a surprise.
Ah, well, merry gentlemen and women of a similar ilk, it is time to God rest Me.
Have a Cool Yule Dude as our Soon to be Departed North American Brethren Might Say If He Was Speaking To Me
